I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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