I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize