people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
