I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
