he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green