Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...