4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
