I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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