He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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