why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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