somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
