i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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