I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
