You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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