Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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