it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
