So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
