if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
