I wish I could punch you in the face.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My room smells like vodka and shame
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
