Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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