Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
