I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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