TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
