I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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