Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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