i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
