I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
