Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
