I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
