honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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