In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
