Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
