just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
