I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
