Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
