I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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