You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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