So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
