I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
