she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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