I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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