he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
