You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
