He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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