Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
