So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
