Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
