fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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