I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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