rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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