haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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