I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
