Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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