too bad you live with your parents still
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
