I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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