Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I currently don't understand fingers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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