well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
