I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
