The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
