During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
