oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
