but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
