Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need a beard to bite.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize