i permit you to call me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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