i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
