i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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