im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
