Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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