Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
